elizabeth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elevelvetor) wrote2017-04-28 12:30 am
elevelvetor) wrote2017-04-28 12:30 am
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Elizabeth Velveteen
"Good morning, noon, or night. You have reached Elizabeth Velveteen, who may or may not be here right now. Please leave a message if you have need of me."
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
no subject
no matter how you may look, you're still you. that's something that's become incredibly important to me as well.
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I worry that I won't be for long. The way that I am...I'm changing.
Physically. And the physical changes have begotten metal changes, emotional changes...I'm not happy anymore. I'm constantly afraid and angry––frustrated, hurting...
I'm afraid that I'm losing the things that he likes about me. The things that I like about myself...
The more I change...the less I can be the kind of person he needs. Through his eyes, I'm watching myself change into something undesirable, but I can't stop it. I can't stop feeling this way. I don't want to lose him or myself.
[A moment later.]
Sorry. I don't know where that came from.
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Elizabeth's quiet as she rereads the words, lips pressed tightly together. As good with words as she might be, she's never been quite good at comforting people, and she doesn't know where to begin with this. What to say.
If there's anything she can say to help her right now. ]
it's okay; you needn't apologize
i did offer my shoulder if you needed it, after all.
[ A few moments, running her finger up and down her phone's side. ]
i don't have any advice, unfortunately. my changes aren't the same as yours, and i would never presume to think they were anywhere on the same level. i still look human, even if i'm hardly able to count myself as one
even if i'm afraid, to be honest, of telling even my roommates of this change.
this is what happens on this app, to those unlucky enough to not be an ordinary human, and what can we do but grin and bear it?
to make the best of it?
if there is a best to make of it.
it's upsetting, Angela. if there's anything i truly dislike, anything i truly hate about the existence we've found ourselves in, it's that.
i wish there was something we could do, instead of simply biding our time or accepting it and resolutely marching ahead like things are perfectly okay instead of incredibly and horribly fucked up because of it.
[ And then, another moment. ]
my apologies. i hadn't meant to get carried away.
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I wish making the best of it was easier
How do you make the best of losing your everything?
Maybe not everything, but...
I do not know how to be "me" anymore, in this body...when the force of retrospec is done with me. I suppose change is essential. Still, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with sadness at everything I'm going to have to give up. Things I've experienced, things I'll never experience...
Thank you for listening to me
I do feel as though you understand me more than most.
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thank you for listening to me as well
i'm quite glad you feel that way... though i wish you didn't have to feel like that, at the same time
if there is a remedy for your condition, i'll do my best to find it--even if that requires my storming into Retrospec itself
i doubt they'll listen to a young woman such as myself, but...
well
perhaps i'd like to try regardless.