elevelvetor | [ ic inbox ]

[ ...a robotic weapon, doubling as a persona user...

that's interesting. ]

you must have been a very advanced robot, then
persona are manifestations of one's psyche, a facet of one's personality that surfaces when faced with external stimuli...
or so i have recalled Mr. Long-Nose saying

[ ... ]

speaking of the past, however
Minako mentioned once to me that you've recalled a meeting between you and Arisato
that is to say, her brother, Minato.

Mm.

Yes, that's true. Minato is very important to me in my other life. Most of my memories are of him, and of very powerful feelings of wanting to protect him and be with him.

I am not entirely sure why but...She is quite fond of him. We were both members of the group called SEES.

i see
does that

[ ... ]

never mind
it isn't important
how have you been adjusting to your memories otherwise?
i hope, your potential robotics aside, you haven't been too troubled by them

Does what, Elizabeth?

Do you know something?

I wish that I never had the memories in the first place.

My arms have been replaced with mechanical ones, and the rest of my body is probably going to follow. It's very physically and emotionally difficult.

[ she's just skipping over the first message for now— ]

my apologies, Angela.
if it's any consolation, i went under a similar change. well... not of the mechanical sort, but i needn't sleep, nor eat, nor anything an ordinary person might need.
my constitution has also vastly improved, to the point where i feel as if i may be nigh invincible... though i cannot say how true that is.
it's safe to say i've become something completely inhuman, and it's quite
troubling. i wonder if i'll have to someday become a resident of that space, or if i'll be able to continue my own life here...

[ a pause between messages, before she sighs and taps out: ]

i wanted to ask if the feelings your other self holds affects your interactions with the Minato you know in this life.
that's all.
you needn't answer that

That sounds scary, but I have to say, preferable to what is likely happening to me. I would rather be different in a human form than have a nonhuman form. That said, I'm sorry for the tribulations it's most likely putting you through.

"That space"...

Minato was special to me long before I started getting memories, so they have nothing to do with each other. A coincidence.

you have my greatest sympathies for yours as well, obviously. if you need someone to speak with, i would be willing to offer my ear any time.
it's the very least i can do.

and... i see.
that's quite the cute and fortunate happenstance. are you two involved?

[ ...sorry she didn't deserve this— ]

I suppose that's what I'm doing now

We're not dating, if that's what you're asking...

I do wonder what he thinks of me, though.

Especially now that I'm like this...

he probably considers you the same person as ever
no matter how you may look, you're still you. that's something that's become incredibly important to me as well.

I am still me, but...

I worry that I won't be for long. The way that I am...I'm changing.

Physically. And the physical changes have begotten metal changes, emotional changes...I'm not happy anymore. I'm constantly afraid and angry––frustrated, hurting...

I'm afraid that I'm losing the things that he likes about me. The things that I like about myself...
The more I change...the less I can be the kind of person he needs. Through his eyes, I'm watching myself change into something undesirable, but I can't stop it. I can't stop feeling this way. I don't want to lose him or myself.

[A moment later.]

Sorry. I don't know where that came from.

[ Oh, Angela...

Elizabeth's quiet as she rereads the words, lips pressed tightly together. As good with words as she might be, she's never been quite good at comforting people, and she doesn't know where to begin with this. What to say.

If there's anything she can say to help her right now. ]

it's okay; you needn't apologize
i did offer my shoulder if you needed it, after all.

[ A few moments, running her finger up and down her phone's side. ]

i don't have any advice, unfortunately. my changes aren't the same as yours, and i would never presume to think they were anywhere on the same level. i still look human, even if i'm hardly able to count myself as one
even if i'm afraid, to be honest, of telling even my roommates of this change.
this is what happens on this app, to those unlucky enough to not be an ordinary human, and what can we do but grin and bear it?
to make the best of it?
if there is a best to make of it.
it's upsetting, Angela. if there's anything i truly dislike, anything i truly hate about the existence we've found ourselves in, it's that.
i wish there was something we could do, instead of simply biding our time or accepting it and resolutely marching ahead like things are perfectly okay instead of incredibly and horribly fucked up because of it.

[ And then, another moment. ]

my apologies. i hadn't meant to get carried away.

I became carried away as well, it's alright.

I wish making the best of it was easier
How do you make the best of losing your everything?

Maybe not everything, but...

I do not know how to be "me" anymore, in this body...when the force of retrospec is done with me. I suppose change is essential. Still, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with sadness at everything I'm going to have to give up. Things I've experienced, things I'll never experience...

Thank you for listening to me

I do feel as though you understand me more than most.

it's no trouble at all, Angela.
thank you for listening to me as well
i'm quite glad you feel that way... though i wish you didn't have to feel like that, at the same time
if there is a remedy for your condition, i'll do my best to find it--even if that requires my storming into Retrospec itself
i doubt they'll listen to a young woman such as myself, but...
well
perhaps i'd like to try regardless.

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